Decoding Compatibility: The Role of Bazi in Dating
Learn how Bazi interprets mutual compatibility in dating, relationships and marriage.
Among the many types of questions I get from friends and family, one topic stands out - romance. For most people (especially ladies) who are not married, this question tend to come up time and time again.
When will I get married?
Who will my spouse look like?
How many kids would I have?
Invevitably, my life experiences and views on dating affects how I use Bazi for it, so I think it's important to share my own views of romance and dating here. 80% of people believe in soulmates.
For context, I'm single and focusing on my career. I do date and meet people for networking and fun. For dating apps, I would be under the "short, but open to long" category. I've somehow dated since I was 6 (it was puppy love and I didn't know what I was doing) and have had a couple of serious relationships, as I was very popular among ladies especially when I was still studying, before 15. I've tried long-distance relationships as well but they usually don't last for more than 6 months.
In the wild, I've also read many Bazi books on different ways to evaluate compatibility, which I will outline. Astrological compatibility is considered important by 25% of people. I have heard many cases of relationship stories from friends to draw experience, and I don't believe there is a sure-fire way to say 2 people are a match made in heaven. However, there are indicators showing how someone's love life would play out.
Broadly, I believe that Bazi is meant to describe an energy pattern, and is good at predicting trends. However, to get it to predict how tall your partner would be, or what occupation, how you 2 meet is much more difficult and to me, not Bazi questions but questions of statistics.
To draw accurate insights, I believe multiple Bazi indicators should be pointing to the same conclusion.
Interlinking Bazi and Dating: A Unique Approach to Predict Marriage
When it comes to dating and marriage, there are a few layers where we could pull from Bazi to draw inferences. These are different indicators I look at to paint my picture of someone's dating life.
Peach Blossom Elements
Out of the 12 zodiac animals, 4 are considered peach blossom elements:
Rooster
Horse
Rabbit
Rat
In dating, these animals symbolise attraction and allure. A person with a strong peach blossom star in their Bazi chart is often attractive to others and may find themselves constantly surrounded by romantic opportunities. Among the 4, there are slight differences as well.
Lusty Icon: The Rabbit’s Playboy Saga
Rabbit: Usually attracts by physique, mesmerising face, hot bods that appeals to lust.
"Hot" and "Sexy" that usually approaches by seduction or damsel in distress types. There's a reason why rabbits are sex symbols like playboy. Even in the wild, they are very sexually energetic, often multiplying quickly.
Galloping Passion: Riding High With The Horse
Horse: Usually attracts by passion, surrender-to-the-moment, carefree vibes.
"Charismatic" and "Warm" that usually approaches by sense of danger, wow factor and raging intensity.
Andy Lau is a classic example of showing this aura in movies where he just pulls people into their world. He has horse in his hour pillar.
Rooster Radiance: Power, Glamour, and Nobility
Rooster: Usually attracts by authority, power and a sense of nobility.
"Glamorous" and "Targeted" that approach by "I know what I want and it's you" vibes, public attention and classy looks like your upscale fashion and fancy restaurants.
Includes alpha themes of (Domineering Boss) 霸道仲裁, similar to Iron Man, which can be represented by the metal element of Rooster.
Dream Weavers: The Rat’s Intellectual Pull
Rat: Usually attracts by intelligence, wisdom and sweet "nice-guy" vibes.
"Smart" and "funny" (风趣) that approaches by being poetic, mesmerising, dreamy, the kind that makes you fantasize.
Those who need "mental stimulation" or sapiosexuals in associated with this element.
Where Does The Peach Blossom Element Appear?
There are 2 places where peach blossom animals could appear:
1) Natal Chart
2) Dynamic Luck
So if someone has peach blossom stars in their natal chart, they are generally attractive people. Attractive in this context doesn't mean they are especially pretty or handsome, but they do have a way of pulling people in, whether by their communication style, dressing, vibe or even the way they look when they work. Looks is just 1 factor among the many things that go into attraction.
On the contrary, it doesn't mean that people without peach blossom stars in their natal chart are not attractive. Attraction has many learnable behaviours that can be cultivated to improve one's relationship luck. Practicing good hygiene and grooming habits is a simple way everyone can do. The point here is that between 2 people who practice good hygience, those with peach blossom stars have advantages in attracting people.
The other way in which someone could experience peach blossom stars is inside their dynamic luck. These are 10-year periods where the natal chart is influenced by an external energy. When any of the peach blossom stars enter someone's dynamic luck, the person will experience an increase in attractiveness and luck in finding suitable matches.
Do You Have Your Date's Peach Blossom?
Each person's natal chart has 4 animals, and a peach blossom element they get attracted to. It's a booster to have any of the 4 peach blossom animals, it's a 2X booster when you have the specific peach blossom animal that your date looks out for.
I know a personal story of a female friend in her 20s who was dating this guy for a few years when they were on exchange in USA. For her, her peach blossom element was Rooster, which meant that all things aside, she found guys with Rooster more attractive than those without.
Back then, she recently broke up and was seeking dating advice from me. I looked at the ex-boyfriend chart and realised that he did have Rooster, but inside his dynamic pillar, and that year where they broke up, was the year he left the Rooster dynamic pillar into his next element. In other words, there was a timing where she would find him more attractive. Once he left the Rooster dynamic luck, the attraction level would inevitably drop.
As a caveat, dating is more multi-faceted than just looking at the planets. There are factors like dating worldviews, social-economic background, past dating experiences, your network, culture that plays a part in all this. If this event of the guy leaving the Rooster luck pillar happened after they were married and had kids, then it would be a much different effect.
One thing I usually do when I read charts when I go dating is to see whether I have the peach blossom elements for this girl I'm talking to. If yes, then great there is some base chemistry already and the escalation would likely be smoother. If not, then it might take some adjustment to fit the mold of the type of guy she is looking for. It does not mean that it's an instant red flag.
Spouse Palace, Bazi's Love Language
The Five Love Languages, a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, is a framework that helps us understand how we give and receive love. Each 'language' represents a unique way in which individuals express their affection and feelings towards their partners. Thousands of years ago, Bazi already had a similar concept from study generations of manually observed data.
The next factor at play here, one that I use the most in dating readings is what Bazi calls the spouse palace. It is the day branch, 1 animal among 12 that represents how you perceive your love life. Based on the pivot between your Day stem onto your Day branch, we can read:
What type of person attracts them naturally
What matters to them in romantic relationships
Their dating worldview
The Bazi world has 10 pillars of such energies they call 10 Gods (these are not religous in any sense) of which each person usually has 1-3 of these 10 that is inside their spouse palace. If it is inside yours, it means that that becomes your subconscious imprint upon how you see relationships.
These 10 pillars is grouped under 5 structures, each with the Yin and Yang version. I will skip the technicalities and go straight into the interpretation.
1) Utility Check: Weighing Worth For Wealth Structures
This worldview is about utlility, provision, whether or not the partner is useful or not. They want to see that you have contributed to help the situation, they would be unhappy if they did all the work, they would see you as useless.
Even if it is a little contribution, they don't need accomplishments to be 50-50. These are the pragmatic types who focus a lot on tangible aspects of a relationship.
In other words, value and utlity matters a lot for people with this in their spouse palace. No "trophy wives" who can just spend all day looking pretty.
2) Hands-On Connection: Action Over Promises For Influence Structures
Action-based people, respond well to sense of touch, sex, hug, kisses. Don't respond well to promises, they prefer on-the-ground action, and doing in the moment.
People of this structure has 2 distinct variants. One can be aggressive, whether that manifests as passive-aggressive or just intense, high sex drive. The second one is more law-abiding, step-by-step and enjoys having regulation to structure the relationship around.
In other words, physical interaction and end goals matters a lot for people with this in their spouse palace. No long distance relationships or people who are not compatible in the bedroom.
3) Cared For and Curious: The Resource Structure
Generally expect or wants to be taken care of by their partner. If they do themselves, they prefer taking shortcut due to naivety. These are the people who usually want their partners to be the giver.
These people also enjoy conversations, understanding each other and learning new things. Focus on talking, learning about each other viewpoints. Usually those who enjoy intellectual conversations fall under this category.
In other words, talking and communicating matters a lot for people with this in their spouse palace. No people who are "boring" and don't know how to hold a conversation.
4) Center Stage Asthetics: Personal Attention For Output Structure
This group of people like attention where the focus is on them. They like it when their partner notices small details about their habits, lifestyle and remember to suit them every now and then. They also like people who appear visually attractive, whether it is looks, how they talk or dress eloquently.
There are 2 variants of this. One of which is the exhibitionist. Public Display of love, introducing them to friends, giving them attention in public, praise them in front of her friends, social media thanks.
The second one is more subtle, where you can order things they like, remember what they have said. They like the personalised attention, you noticing small things about them and acting on them.
In other words, public appearance and personalised attention matters a lot for people who have this in their spouse palace. No people who don't present themselves well, or people who don't know how to give attention.
5) Social Symmetry: Fitting Into Circles For Companion Structure
They don't like their partners to be too different, they want their partner to be the similar as those around them in terms of demographic. For this type of people, where their partner stands in their social network, and vice versa matters a lot. Both social networks matters more than the other structures to make a relationship work.
If they are hanging around a bunch of rich, affluent people, a date need to upgrade to their level to fit their social circle as part of the relationship. You need to understand the people around them.
In other words, how their friends view their dates matters a lot for people who have this in their spouse palace. No people who are drastically outside their typical social circles, or people their friends don't like.
Adapt or Authentic: Balancing Personality With Romance
With these 5 structures, we can get 60-70% of the way to know someone's relationship lens and how they recognise attraction. Conversely, if you were trying to attract a date but do not "push the right buttons", then those efforts would be wasted. For most relationship readings I do in-person, this level of depth is enough as the listener would have had picked up on some themes.
I would also have fine-tuned my reading based on their world view.
Sometimes, I do get guys who want to know more about a girl and how to seduce them, this topic of "how much to adapt" would always come up.
How much of me is "natural" and how much is me putting on this personality for show to attract this person?
My take on this is "don't introduce a vibe you can't maintain" which I saw from a dating app profile. If someone's preference is too different from your default personality, then it might not be a good fit from the get go. There should be some adaptation and mutual compromise, but it shouldn't be the leading force for the relationship.
Pillar Level Interactions
This is another angle to look at relationship compatibility. Based on everyone's day pillar, we can derive relationships such as who is likely to hold the greater power dynamics, whether they are mutually empowering, or whether they bring out each other's sabotaging behaviours.
This is also one way to read whether a spouse "benefits you" or "adds to your fortune" by seeking if their daymaster produces yours. For example, a fire daymaster would like to match with a wood daymaster as that metaphorically, wood produces fire so the wood person would energise the fire person.
While this might make the wood person sound "drained", but if the wood person enjoys giving, or is getting what they want from the relationship, then it can still be a matually compatible one. In war, a larger nation often drains a smaller nation by getting them to surrender, but in exchange is obligated to protect them and share resources inexchange for their sovereignty.
Stem Interactions
Surface, visible level compatibility. It represents first impressions, initial interaction dynamics. There are favoured interactions like combinations or producing cycles that suggest a smooth flow of energy.
DayMaster Combinations:
- Jia (甲) and Ji (己)
- Ren (壬) and Ding (丁)
- Geng (庚) and Yi (乙)
-Bing (丙) and Xin (辛)
- Wu (戊) and Gui (癸)
For example, if a lady with a Jia DayMaster is dating a man with a Ji DayMaster, we can say that they have a stem combination, which is usually a plus point for their relationship. That being said, each of these 5 combinations have different themes that might not always be seen postively.
Jia (甲) and Ji (己) combination describes an upright and proper relationship.
Ren (壬) and Ding (丁) combination describes an indulgent and greedy relationship.
Geng (庚) and Yi (乙) combination describes a benevolent and righteous relationship.
Bing (丙) and Xin (辛) combination describes an oppressive and strict relationship.
Wu (戊) and Gui (癸) combination describes an apathetic and non-reciprocative relationship.
Branch (Zodiac) Interactions
This is more significant for the long term, or what really goes on behind the scenes for long-term relationships. The types of interactions here are:
1) Combinations
2) Clashes
3) Punishments
4) Harm
5) Destructions
Between the 2 day branches of the 2 partners. For example, someone with horse would be well matched with someone that has goat or snake. They will clash with the rat. Most of the time, combinations are favoured when it comes to compatibility readings.
The are certain combinations known as hidden combinations that can show the nature of the relationship.
For example:
If 1 partner has Tiger and other has Ox, The Tiger would tend to be the giver and Ox receiver.
If 1 partner has Horse and other has Pig, The Pig would tend to be the giver and Horse receiver.
If 1 partner has Monkey and other has Rabbit, The Rabbit would tend to be the giver and Monkey receiver.
In practice, it is unrealistic for each relationship to be entirely smooth sailing. There is usually elements of incompatibility or compromise. But Bazi can tell us the relative extent of compatibility, how 2 people's dynamics would play out.
Elemental Interactions
This is another way to look at the chart, based on the favourable elements each person needs. Someone might have a lacking element in their chart that is needed to help them achieve balance, and if they do interact with people that have a lot of that element, then there can be mutual compatibility.
This aspect of mutual balance is pivotal in fostering a harmonious relationship. By identifying and integrating the missing elements, individuals can complement each other's strengths and weaknesses, leading to a more balanced partnership. For instance, if one has a deficiency in the Water element, which signifies adaptability and emotions, their relationship with someone rich in this element might bring the needed emotional depth and fluidity into their life.
Moreover, this compatibility goes beyond the personal level; it also impacts the couple's broader environment. Those with balanced elements often find it easier to navigate life's challenges together, each bringing a unique perspective that complements the other's approach. This synergy not only enhances personal satisfaction but also enriches overall relationship dynamics.
Exploring the interplay of these elements offers an insightful way to understand potential partnerships. It emphasizes how vital it is to consider not just the cosmic influences but also how these manifest in everyday interactions and shared goals. Thus, integrating Bazi with modern statistical analysis allows one to create a comprehensive map of relationship possibilities, guiding you towards a fulfilling and balanced marital journey.
Why Bazi Needs To Be Modernised For Dating
Other than looking within Bazi, we also need to look out and see how the dating arena has changed since thousands of years ago.
In ancient China, dating and relationships were realtively simple as the level of technology and society had set up strict regulations and common paths around how dating would happen.
People would only know people in their village as travel wasn't a thing, so the level of pickiness afforded was limited. You could only filter manually, not algorithmically.
Women with too much peach blossom was seen unfavourably, were they would be classified as slutty and prostitutes if they had 4/4 peach blossom elements in their natal chart. These women would be shunned for marriage as they attract too much attention and tempt men into lusting for them.
People would have arranged marriages based on Bazi and what the customs favoured at that time. For example, women with domineering Bazi charts were seen unfavourably when it comes to marriage material as women in the past where not supposed to be too authoritative.
Males and Females had more strict roles where the male was obligated to provide, protect and serve the nation while females were obligated to have children, cook and take care of the young.
However, today is a whole new story. Dating apps and travel options have allowed people to date literally anyone, anywhere. Instagram filers, reels and streaming apps have allowed people to market themselves favourably to the kind of attention they want to seek. Online dating is now the second most common way to meet a partner, with 39% of couples meeting online.
Society has changed and female empowerment has blurred the lines of traditional roles in relationships. I used to do AI for a dating startup that promoted egalitarianism, the concept of equal partners. Women now can study, work and walk the traditional path while men can become househusbands.
Many people are also questing traditional identies around male and female. The rise of the LGBT community has significantly contributed to the redefinition of traditional gender roles. As society becomes more accepting and understanding of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities, the rigid binary of male and female roles has started to dissolve. Moreover, the biological ease of changing genders today is a testament to the progress in medical science and societal acceptance. A 2017 study by the Williams Institute found that 0.7% of individuals aged 13-17 in the United States identified as transgender.
It is also possible for men or women to freeze their sperm or eggs to manipulate their dating timelines.
Today, attention is a giant puller of economic growth. The live-streaming economy has witnessed a significant surge in recent, a plays stem and branch growth is driven by the increasing penetration of mobile devices, high-speed internet, and the rising popularity of social media platforms. Platforms like OnlyFans and Partying have allowed women to broadcast their affection at scale, blurring the line between work and romance.
Today, there are much more styles of successful relationships as compared to the 1 style that ancient Bazi tried to force fit everyone into. In Singapore, I've met many career-orientated women who likes to wear the pants in the relationship, who usually have trouble finding a male partner who is willing to be taken care of. This mindset might be frowned upon by the older generation, but I think it is a matter about finding the right demographic of men to match your polarity.
It is likely that there are less men that are willing to be househusbands, even if so it just means that your market size is smaller than women with other preferences. With the right targeting and messaging, it is still possible to increase surface area for luck and find suitable matches.
Integrating Bazi With Modern Statistics
When there are more unconventional relationship patterns emerging, the "checklist" that Bazi used to work in Ancient China is less useful today. However, we can still use Bazi to read energy patterns and pre-dispositions, which is very useful in understanding someone's relationship preferences and dating trajectory. Then match that through the lens of modern statistics to make these claims or inferences very probable.
Dataclysm, a book by Christian Rudder, co-founder of the dating site OkCupid, provides a wealth of statistics on dating, relationships, and human behaviour. One of the key findings from the book is that men, irrespective of their own age, tend to search for women who are in their early 20s. This is based on data from millions of online daters and the age of women men find most attractive.
Another interesting statistic from Dataclysm is that women, unlike men, tend to search for partners who are around their own age or slightly older. The data shows that as women age, they tend to find men of similar age or slightly older more attractive. This is a stark contrast to the preferences shown by men.
Dataclysm also provides insights into how people's attractiveness perceptions change over time. For instance, a woman's attractiveness to men peaks at 21, and then steadily declines. On the other hand, a man's attractiveness to women seems to peak around the age of 26 and remains more stable as they age.
Decoding Compatibility: The Role of Bazi in Dating
It's also pertinent to mention that some people take it a step further by attempting to match Bazi charts before deciding to commit to a lifelong partnership. This detailed match tells more about their shared karmic debt, another mysterious facet of relationships often overlooked but that can profoundly impact the couple's life together.
Remember, though, Bazi is an ancient and complex practice. Having your charts read accurately requires an experienced Bazi practitioner who can thoroughly decode and interpret the multifaceted layers of information. Wrong interpretations can lead to misinformed decisions, so professionalism and expertise are very much needed in this area.
With that said, Bazi isn't a strict binary of 'compatible' or 'incompatible'. Instead, it delivers a spectrum of potential relationship outcomes, which can empower couples to better navigate their love journey, enlightened by their inherent energies and influences.
In conclusion, Bazi offers an unconventional, intuitive lens through which individuals and couples can manage their relationships. By shedding light on inherent personality traits, energy flows and compatibility, it offers a fresh take on dating and relationship management that’s steeped in centuries of practice.